When Anxiety Stops Helping and Starts Hurting
Anxiety is our natural response to uncertainty. It’s a part of being human—wired into us for survival. If you’ve ever had a last-minute deadline, a tough conversation looming, or even felt uneasy walking alone at night, you’ve experienced anxiety doing exactly what it evolved to do: alert you to possible danger and help you prepare.
At its core, anxiety isn’t just a feeling—it’s a whole-body experience. It shows up in cognitive ways, like worrying thoughts and an inability to turn off your mental to-do list. It comes through emotions, like unease, nervousness, or dread. And it’s felt physiologically, with symptoms like a racing heart, tight chest, jittery limbs, or even an upset stomach. You might notice that you can’t quite sit still, or that your breath feels shallow when you’re stressed. These responses are part of the same ancient system that helped our ancestors survive real threats in the wild.
But here’s the thing: most of us aren’t running from wild animals. We’re facing performance reviews, unpredictable health news, financial pressures, parenting challenges, and a fast-moving world that doesn’t let us slow down. The threats we deal with now are often chronic and ambiguous, and our anxiety doesn’t always know how to turn itself off.
When managed well, anxiety can be adaptive—even helpful. It can sharpen our focus before a big presentation or motivate us to prepare for a hard conversation. In small doses, it can keep us alert and help us stay ahead of problems. The trouble starts when anxiety stops being temporary and starts becoming a constant background noise in your daily life.
You might wonder: Is this just normal stress—or something more?
Stress is usually tied to a specific situation and tends to resolve once that situation is over. But anxiety often lingers. It shows up as persistent worrying, racing thoughts, and an inability to concentrate. You might feel like your brain just won’t quiet down—especially at night. Your sleep suffers. You start to feel tense, fidgety, or irritable more often than not. You may notice a pattern of overthinking or constantly scanning for what could go wrong.
This isn’t weakness or overreaction—this is your nervous system doing its best to protect you. But sometimes, it gets stuck in overdrive.
So how do you know when anxiety crosses the line from manageable to disruptive?
A good rule of thumb is to pay attention to frequency, duration, and impact. How often are you feeling anxious? How long does it last? And is it interfering with your work, relationships, or general ability to enjoy life?
If anxiety is starting to shape your decisions—what you say yes or no to, how much you socialize, how you sleep, or even how you eat—it may be time to take a closer look. When anxiety becomes chronic, it can lead to emotional exhaustion, burnout, and a constant feeling of being “on edge.” You might start avoiding things that used to feel manageable, or you may notice a loop of rumination: constantly revisiting the same worries, without reaching a solution.
This can feel incredibly isolating, especially if on the outside everything looks fine. People with high-functioning anxiety often appear composed and successful while feeling overwhelmed inside. The mental energy it takes to keep up that appearance can be draining.
Here’s the good news: anxiety is common—and treatable. You don’t have to power through it alone or wait until you hit a breaking point. Working with a therapist can help you learn practical tools for managing anxiety, understanding where it stems from, and changing the patterns that keep it going. Sometimes, just having a space to slow down and talk it through can make a big difference.
Therapy might involve learning how to interrupt spiraling thoughts, practicing mindfulness techniques, or gently shifting the self-critical lens through which you see your own stress. In some cases, medication can also be helpful, especially when anxiety is interfering with daily functioning.
You might also find relief in unexpected places: grounding exercises, movement, reconnecting with a sense of purpose, or even adjusting your expectations about productivity and perfection. Anxiety often thrives in silence and secrecy—naming it, sharing it, and learning about it can take away some of its power.
At the end of the day, anxiety doesn’t make you broken—it makes you human. But if it’s starting to run the show, there’s no shame in stepping back and asking for help. You deserve to feel calm in your own mind and body.
Take a breath. You’re not alone—and things can get better.
If you are interested in learning more about interpersonal dependency or would like to discuss starting therapy with me to address these patterns of behavior.